Struggling to be heard….

Its so difficult to be heard when and believed when you have mental health issues. Really is shocking and horrible the way people treat me. I always tell the truth and never been in trouble, yet as soon as people hear that you have Mental Health issues they write you off. They tell you ‘the way it is’ and ‘what happened’ and don’t believe you no matter how many times you tell.

I have no trust, faith or respect for Greater Manchester Police . They really our poor when it comes to the duty of care of people and with people who have Mental health problems. Since a young age i’ve always respected the police and believed they were there to help. In fact they did help when I was the victim of domestic abuse and during that time i couldn’t fault them. I’ve always tried to be a good person and reported anything suspicious to the police and called in when i’ve witnessed accidents or crimes. But now after the treatment i’ve received i’ve lost all faith in them and thing they are only there to cause issues for people. They were a safety net like all emergency services but now thats gone. I try to avoid anything to do with police now. They really have ground me down and there attempts to put things right only made things worse and they never believe my version on events. Its now to your on medication or your not thinking right. I am scared to leave the flat or go to events that i used to enjoy incase there are police there. As i now know they don’t need evidence or anything to ruin peoples lives. I’ll never forgive or forget they way they made be think my Partner had been killed, how can any human being do that to someone.

Its not just the police that its hard to get through to. So medical professionals are the same they just write you off, number of times i’ve come back from seeing the Doctors in tears and thinking i’m about to be carted off to the nut house. It’s very difficult to get your voice heard.

Sometimes i just want to scream and make a scene just to be heard.

2015 A Different Year???

Well everyone keeps saying 2015 is gonna be different, bigger and better than 2014. I Must admit I did have my fingers and toes crossed wishing that can be true. However the reality of it isn’t that easy easy. I Know were only twelve days into the year, but getting a sense of ‘Same Sh*t, different Year.’ Everything that i hoped and prayed would be left behind in 2014 has spread its dark fingers into 2015. And i gotta admit given me the new year blues. Hope can i start on a new year, new me (ha thats a joke) if everything keeps following me.

The Festive period was on the whole a good time. Feel again that i missed out on another Christmas. Not through anything in particular, just didn’t have the festive spirit as things were getting to stressful and anxious as the big day came near. Didn’t help that i collapsed at home on 16th December, BF had to call an ambulance. So another worry to add to my lists. Had a wonderful¬†New Years, we went down to my Parents for a week. Had a lovely time lots of quizzes, games and laughs.

Since coming back though apart from the New Years Blues, I Just have no energy. Everything is a struggle, even just standing up sometimes. But hey ho, thats life it seems.  Certainly dont know what the powers at be are thinking but they certainly getting me to jump through hoops and test me beyond my limits.

On a more positive note, hopefully 2015 I can cross off some or at least one of the things on my ‘Bucket List.’

Well i started writing this when i was really down, very tired and in a lot of pain. But now feeling more positive and hopeful. But thinking its good to post the negative thoughts. As someone may see it and know that their not the only one feeling that way, also as a reminder to me on how bad i can see things sometimes.