No gain without pain

Been a long time since i did an update, mainly to be honest because I have been very overwhelmed. Have had appointments and hospital trips weekly.

Fibromyalgia – Been going to Fairfield general Hospital to their physiotherapy department to take part in ‘Pain Management Sessions’ has left me extremely sore and in lots of pain in places i didn’t know could hurt! I have been doing lots of different exercises, it is hoped that because my body is always in pain by doing these exercises it will help train my nerves and mind to recognise that I’m not doing any damage and there is no reason for them to send pain messages. it does seem very counter productive. Fibromyalgia causes widespread pain and doing exercise makes it worse, but hopefully it’ll improve my symptoms and pain levels in the long run, but right now i’d just settle for a single day without pain. I would say I used to be very active, but lately just doing the Washing up is killing me. all these exercises dont help with my Chronic Fatigue syndrome either. I feel like a zombie!

Autism – I have finally received my referral for ‘life coaching’ it is very early days but it looks promising although will be quite hard. It’s a 4 month programme and will hopefully improve my confidence and me learn new life skills that others take for granted. This will hopefully help me deal with situations and my autism without having a meltdown.

Mental Health – All the medical professionals that are trying to help me all agree that i still have Issues with the events of 2013 and that i did to work through that trauma. I Was referred to Bury Healthy minds for more counselling and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, however i have had to stop this while i go through the Life Coaching with the Autism team. As its felt that working on 2 types of therapy will not be helpful and could end up being confusing.

Surgery – I’m due to have surgery to have 3 wisdom teeth taken out. This will be in hospital under anaesthetic. Not looking forward to it, but will be good once done as it will stop some if not all of the dental pain i have and will hopefully stop any more infections.

So everythings a bit all over the place at the moment. It is affecting my depression and getting overwhelming but i’m trying to struggle through. Some days are better than others.

Flashback Re-emergence

After having my breakdown in 2013 I had loads of flashbacks due to PTSD. Almost all of them were me ‘flashing’ back to the Time that Greater Manchester Police were in the flat, The Hi-viz jackets they wore were so visible in the flashbacks. I had some Therapy in 2014 which used an NLP approach to help me deal with the flashbacks caused by PTSD. It really did help and I had thought I had gotten a handle on it, however they have re-emerged this week.

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The trigger this week was due to Greater Manchester Police turning up at the flat again. (Nothing as serious as 2013) but it brought all the memories back again and the flashbacks. The flashbacks are a mixture of the 2013 events and this weeks, yet again the officers hi-viz clothing is extremely vivid.

I Have been so anxious and shaky since they turned up. Just as I thought I was getting somewhere, something simple throws me back.

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NHS Failing Mental Health sufferers

I was referred for Cognitive behavioural Therapy back in January 2015, i’m still waiting been told it wont be until November or december till i’m seen. This means it will have 14 months since my last therapy and its just not helpful. The progress and steps forward i feel i made in 2014 has been undone.

Went to the GP this morning, and was told after 2 Years since my breakdown in 2013, there’s nothing more they can do for me. I have to sort it out myself. ┬áIts a mental health issue and I’m the only one who can resolve it, i have to change the way i think and start improving.

Doesn’t really work like that, What does she think i’ve been doing for the past 2 years? clearly i’m struggling and not getting better fast and need help and assistance. Not to be told Sorry your on your own.